Horses

   

What does it mean to dream of horses? 

    Ever since watching an episode of Bridgerton many months ago, I have had an obsession with horses. I've dreamt of them (notable instances include one where the horses mane was flames). I've yearned for them, as if my chest was pulling me towards the experience. 

    The experience I crave is this: 

    Bareback. Galloping like the wind through open fields, hair blowing in the breeze. The hooves on the ground making an earthquake-esque rumble. 

    The thing is, I've ridden a horse like one time, and it was walking, and I was about 10 years old. I think if I tried to achieve my dream, I would probably fall off and severely injure myself. 

    Can't you picture it, though? The freedom, the whimsy? 

    The part of this worth analyzing is not whether or not I'd be able to ride a horse in the way I dream. It's more about why I want to. What does this represent? 

    No saddle. Danger? No, not that. Connection to the natural world? I tend to be drawn towards experiences untainted by human innovation, for better or for worse. The knowledge I don't need anything but my own abilities to ride this horse. That the horse is just as free as I am, that we are one with each other. 

    Then, the speed. As close to flying as I could imagine getting without wings. The feeling of reckless abandon. The knowledge that no one could follow me. 

    The open field. Possibility. There's woods at the end, beckoning me to adventure, but for now I can see all and I know all. There's no one here but me and my stallion. 

    Have you ever had such a desire? To have such a connection to a creature. A bond where you are better together, where you're involved in the tango of life in such an invigorating way. I want it so bad. 

    In case you were curious, the Bridgerton scene that prompted this was one of the scenes where Kate Sharma is riding and I just found that so inspiring. 

    I was learning how to drive a manual truck yesterday, and the trucks name was Mustang, so perhaps I got a taste of what I'm craving. We definitely had a bond, Mustang and I. 

    My biggest struggle was successfully getting the car moving again after stopping. I couldn't figure out the timing of releasing the clutch and pressing the gas, so I kept stalling. At one point, sat in a dark parking lot, I closed my eyes and meditated with Mustang. I connected with the purr of the engine, tried to feel it rumble through my legs and up to my chest and heart. Then, I opened my eyes, took my foot off the breaks, and drove. I succeeded. 

    Later, I sat through 3 green lights as I tried and failed to get the car started again. We win some nad we lose some. 

Love, 

           Secret